basically how im feeling can be described like this:

I wished I'd had known you
Wished I had shown you
All of the things I
Was on the inside
But I'd pretend to be sleeping
When you'd come in in the morning
To whisper goodbye
Go work in the rain
I don't know why
Don't know why

....i want you.

you fasten your seatbelt because its the law

The week before finals is always the hardest. You have the looming presence of these enormous critical tests before you as well as the guilt of everything you should have done to work harder in your classes all semester. Clearly, I should have no surprise for the fact that I am breaking out like crazy on my face as well as being seriously hormonal. Stress seems to be the one emotion that just sends every person's body haywire. Even the normal calming music and sleep is not preventing any of these symptoms which are all stress-related. Also, basically I got totally rejected the other day. The person I have seriously feelings for is currently preoccupied with someone else and it's such a bitch. Watching all the romance movies and reading all these sappy books makes you think for sure when you like someone they'll like you back but of course that isn't the case. I just wish this person would open their eyes and realize that I am waiting for them. It also sucks because I can't talk to anyone about it because people would be not sympathetic at all. "Don't keep your hopes up Liadan" or "Are you serious". Most people wouldn't understand anyway.

I'm kind of regretting filling my summer with like a billion different things because I really need some relaxation time before next year. If I think this is stressful... oh god I can't even imagine next year! I also have to start packing and doing all my makeup work so that I don't fail out of school or w/e. I just hate when you know that the reason you aren't satified with something is because of yourself. If I wasn't such a goddamn slacker..... I guess I could blame it on Veronica Mars, House, and Grey's Anatomy, but it was all my choice to watch those shows instead of actually studying. If I put half as much work into my schoolwork as everyone else I could far surpass them. I know it sounds utterly cocky and self-centered, but it is kind of true. Next year I really need to get my act together.

Speaking of needing to get things done.... I have to study for a math test tomorrow.

Love,
Liadan

it doesnt come so easily

i am so frustrated. as a singer I should be blessed with the ability to write lyrics or atleast compose a piece for myself. but of course that turns out to be completely false. I can't stand the fact that some people who are completely gifted with words deny everything when people who would truly appreciate it are left in the dust. are these people deserving? i honestly don't know. and another thing, WHY DO PEOPLE ASK STUPID QUESTIONS???!?!?!? Shouldn't people just mind their own business when it comes to other people's lives? w/e. i really do want to write a few songs though. atleast then people can say that I write original pieces. even if its not the music it has to be the lyrics. something.... something. SOMETHING! its like i have all this miscellaneous talent in really random areas that isn't anything fabulous. its just "oh yeah. liadan's pretty good at a lot of things". there is never any "OMG LIADAN IS AMAZING AT SUCH AND SUCH". and that also leads me to the fact that everyone thinks i am such a complainer and what on earth would i have to complain about. well lets count it, im NOT a straight A student, im fat, im absolutely not athletic, im not pretty, i can't wear the clothes i want, i havent been a lead in the school plays yet, and i am too loud and obnoxious. i think that shows that i have plenty to complain about. People really take advantage of their lives. i freaking HATE the way I am. if i could trade bodies with someone I'd totally do it. yeah, and i know all this shit because of like self-respect and crap, but thats exactly what it is. CRAP!!!!! IT IS A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! and im fucking freezing my ASS off....

stressed, cold, and fucking annoyed,
Liadan

omigod omigod u guys

its unbelievable. i actually walked out of my first show. It was a student production of Les Miserables and they were butchering it so I left at intermission and never came back. I've never actually seen the show performed with a professional cast so I will be going to NYC and seeing it on Broadway this summer. Obviously it is going to be much better than this one otherwise it wouldnt be called a Broadway show. I am actually horrified with how bad the singing was... I sincerely hope our school plays are not that bad.

I only have about three weeks of school left and I am quite excited. Unfortunately that means that I have to catch up on all of my chemistry homework that I left unfinished. I HATE my teacher Mrs. M. She is SUCH a horrible teacher. I didn't think it was possible to be as bad as her. Next year I'm taking APES (AP Environmental Science) and I hope that goes much better than this year.

I have so much homework to do for tomorrow so I better get going. ADIOS!

Liadan

Around town

im going to carmel today with a friend and its going to be interesting. I have to take pictures for my spanish project which is complete and utter crap! I also have to pick up a birthday present for CH because her birthday is next saturday and im going to her party which is going to be amazing!!!! im sooo psyched.

I'm going to see Les Mis tonight and I know im going to be bawling my eyes out. I am SUCH a crier. I cry after basically any movie/show that has even the slightest sad part in it. oh well, i love the music for this musical and i know ill love it and that is what matters the most.

love,
Liadan