Changeling

I try to think about rainbows when it gets bad.
You got to think about somethine to keep from going mad.
I try to think about big fat roses when the ship starts going down,
but my head is wicked jealous. Don't want to talk about it right now.

In My Head - No Doubt

Shit. I just saw Changeling. It's so ridiculous that people in the world are THAT sick. and corrupt. and just plain BASTARDS. What is going on people?!?!?! Can't you see that you would be happier if you were nice to others?

ok wow.

i can officially say this is the LONGEST time i haven't posted since starting this thing... quick overview:

December:

-finals... didn't do horribly or terribly well either. just so/so. and then of course came xmas. new speakers, parents lorded over the iphone thing. gag me with a spoon. and then came sugarbowl. let's see... i gained weight, watched WAY too much tv, and actually got quite good at drums on ROCK BAND (best fucking game ever). Left early, which was nice, and got used to being home alone. then the fam came back and i wanted to shoot myself in the face.

January:

absoFUCKINGlutely nothing. ring week came and went. i'm head of prom. i'm a lifeguard and mrs. meers in the upcoming production of thoroughly modern millie.

February:

a great friend (JERI) died on February 1st. i found this out the night before my birthday and OH WAIT, let's back track. i made an absolute fool of myself singing in front of hundreds of people and then cried like a baby about it. and then jeri dies way before her time because of cancer and now i'm just scared.

scared that i'll forget about her and scared that i'll die that early too. before i really accomplish something that i love. oh and i had my birthday. nothing special.

so basically the last three months have SUCKED

dazed and confused,
liadan

be my lover...and i'll cover you

it's been a long time since I last posted. My heart is still broken.

green grow the rushes ho, no more.

camp is done. gone the fun. from the hills, from the trees, from the sky. all is well. safely rest. god is nigh.

well, camp is officially over. and i am officially depressed. i will never be with the same group of people ever again in my life and that is utterly to horrible to think about. if i was a ball of emotion, i would be a nonstop bawling emotional ball. but im not so i just suck it up and get on with life. they say that no year compares to your first year as staff at camp. hopefully they'll rehire me next year, but it just won't be the same. i miss THESE people too much. *sigh* oh camp.

heartbroken
Liadan

oh what a night.

we had a brief break from camp and a few people came down to my house to stay over. it was pretty intense but a lot of fun. i have 3 hickeys (small ones) on my neck which are quite unattractive. the boy i love was here and i totally missed out on the chance to make out with him but i was too fucked up to really think about what i was doing and now i am PISSED! i think part of it was that i was scared to hook up with him and be compared to everyone else he hooked up with. i am SOOOO STUPID! grrrr. whatever. just wanted to have a quick update.

having regrets,
Liadan

hope

my lover is BACK! it feels so good to have him here at camp with me because all i could do while he was gone was think about him. unfortunately, he doesnt have the same feelings i have for him towards me, but just being around him is enough. i almost died today when he hugged me. i just wanted to be in his embrace for the rest of my life. it's kind of like im dreaming and hoping for the perfect romance that always happens in movies and books but will never happen in real life with him. ive fallen for a lot of people throughout my life, but i really really like him. like a lot. like i would want a book to be written about us and for people in the future to dream about having a romance as good as ours. of course, that is just the rambling of a lovesick girl so it's complete and utter nonsense. to clarify, this is not the guy from the previous lovesick rant. that, as it turns out, was a horrendous mistake and he turned out to be a jerk and i was just lonely. this is his best friend. it's weird how you make judgements on people and they can turn out completely wrong. like in the wrong continent kind of wrong. i thought that this guy was a total idiot and stoner, but it turns out that he is the opposite and the first guy turned out to be like my assumption. enough on that though. im just really glad that he is back at camp. because i was starting to become permanently depressed and irritable.

on a totally different note: Harry Potter number 7 (aka the last one) came out like 3 days ago and im torn between wanting to read it and find out what happens or the fact that i never want it to end. i don't think that i'll actually realize that it's over until i read the last word on the last page of the book. im already 350 pages into it and jk rowling has soo much more that she needs to cover that i dont know if she'll be able to do it in the second half of the book. im actually really curious as to how she is going to deal with the whole voldemort vs. harry thing. i hope that harry doesnt die, but we shall see... if i ever finish the book that is.

camp is just a lot of unnecessary drama again. the counselors and the jcrew have basically separated into two different groups with resentment just overflowing from the center of both. the age difference is actually playing a real role in the separation that didnt look like it would happen at the beginning. dont get me wrong. i still love camp like no other but its a little bit of a downer to have all this stuff going on. i wish people would just voice their frustrations rather than bicker about it. it's really eating away at the feeling of the camp. oh well. im going to go because i wrote a lot and the other jcrew are being ridiculous.

goodnite.
liadan

i miss camp.

ive been away from camp for like three days and i am already pining over it. even though nantucket is the cat's meow i just love camp so much. everyone on staff is amazing (although there is one person who is a little less than fabulous but whatever). ive never felt so able to be myself around people and even though i get frustrated it always gets better. i have found people that i can just talk to about whatever and be 200% positive that the news is not going to be spread around to everyone else. it's such a close knit community that i feel like these people are my family even though we've been on staff together for a little over three weeks. i can't wait to do it again next year and for more years after that. its been one of the best experiences of my life AND i get paid. i did get poison oak in a sucky spot but it has not dampened my spirits one bit. I LOVE CAMP!

feeling extatic.
liadan